power, privilege, and everyday life.
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37 posts tagged Survivor
“I’m supposed to write my statement of diversity– but I’m not a minority, I wasn’t poor growing up, I’ve never been raped…”
My friend when writing her medical school application essays- she didn’t know that I was raped the year before when studying abroad.
In light of the Steubenville rape trial, and the media’s coverage of the perpetrators (and miscoverage of the survivor), THIS is part of what creates unsafe realities. Survivors, we love you.
The local radio station discusses victim blaming signs being put on public transportation system in Singapore. The three DJs on the show (two men, one woman) all agree that dressing a certain way is just inviting sexual harassment and the victims have no one to blame but themselves.
“It’s a shame that some people like to use their childhoods to get themselves out of responsibility.”
A friend said this in class, as part of a wider discussion among the others about how some people deliberately try to inspire pity so they can manipulate you. Said while looking straight at me, when she knows that I have abusive parents. Made me feel like I was a horrible person, not to mention betrayed.
“I had a feeling I would need to watch you for promiscuity.”
My mother to me, after I disclosed to her that I had been raped a few days prior. I was 11. I eventually told her I made the whole thing up to stop her from saying things like this. She still thinks I made it up. I’m 20 now.
My freshman year of High School (2008), I’m sitting in my mandatory health class and the topic for the day is rape. My health teacher, a man in his sixties I believe, tells us that “No means no, although women don’t always mean what they say, so sometimes they say no when they really mean yes.” This teacher also specifically called me out on questions that I never raised my hand to answer —usually to do with personal anecdotes that I wasn’t interested in sharing - and once implied I looked thin enough to be anorexic (I have Celiac disease). I was the only girl in a class of males. Made me feel unsafe, exposed, angry.
Someone I care about was almost raped by her best friend, but she managed to escape. When she told her mother what happened, her mother was disgusted. But not by him or what had happened, but by her. Her mother called her a whore and told her if she doesn’t want that to happen then she should wear more conservative clothes. (story told here with her permission). She says she felt angry and hated that her mother’s words made her feel worthless.
The disciplinary principal at my arts high school calls an assembly that was supposed to be about not wearing hats inside the school buildings, but which spirals off into him lecturing us “young ladies” about wearing skin-tight leggings and our dancers walking in the hallways in leotards. He tells us the construction workers around the school have been checking us out and that we need to stop dressing this way if we want to be “safe.” Those of us who vocally protested this were shut down by classmates and teachers who said we were making too big a deal out of it.
“Well, there are many meanings of the word [rape] other than what you’re talking about.”
Comment made by my MFA program director when I asked her not to use the word ‘rape’ casually in class, after sharing that I am a survivor of sexual assault. Earlier that day she had referred to something jokingly as ‘internet rape,’ and I was so triggered that I had to leave class and cry in the hallway.
A bouncer/security guard at my favourite bar keeps touching my arm and back as he checks my ID.
He’s a big man, and I’m a petite 24 year old female rape victim. It’s not ‘significant’ enough to report, but reminds me I’m not safe anywhere, with anyone. I will always be regarded as lesser than male and therefore free to touch and be expected to take it as a compliment.
“Most workplace harassment is a case of women being oversensitive about the advances of men.”
My male boss to my male coworker. Made me concerned for my safety.
“You’re mine. I’m yours. That’s how it works.”
My boyfriend of half a year, upon finally confronting him about his constant groping and pinching when I have begged him repeatedly to stop. I’m a survivor of sexual abuse and my father used to do the same thing. Made me feel powerless.
Psychology professor:: [triggering, un-funny joke about gang rape]
Me:: I can't believe you told me that. Rape jokes aren't funny. Especially not to people who've been assaulted.
Him:: People who've been assaulted need to move on and learn to enjoy life.
He knew I'd been assaulted. Made me feel silenced, the tragedy of my and others' experiences turned into a joke.
“I raped that test!”
In high school. I asked, “Do you mean you did well or not?” …Apparently “to rape” can have openly positive connotations. Made me feel upset that such a strongly negative word could be completely hijacked in this society, angry that the word is casually used, and nauseous that someone would equate rape with success/accomplishment and positive emotions.
