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46 posts tagged Survivor

In 1991, a US military helicopter piloted by Major Rhonda Cornum crashed in Iraq. She and the surviving members of the (male) crew were being held as prisoners of war. We were discussing this event in my High School Social Studies class when my teacher said “She [Maj. Cornum] probably won’t be worth much when they get her back.”

He said this as if a woman’s “worth” could be erased or diminished by by having been sexually assaulted. As if a man would be brave and stoic upon return from captivity and torture, but a woman would be somehow ruined, worthless.

I joined a support group for loved ones of survivors of sexual abuse/assault at an organization that is one of only a few that also provides support for male victims. Despite this, during the educational portions, the group leader only referred to the survivors by female pronouns AND the assumption seemed to be that this group was for partners in traditional relationships.

After watching a documentary about rape as a conflict weapon, the teacher said “rape is not about how hot you are, let’s not kid ourselves, the women in the video were pretty ugly” most people laughed, I don’t see how it is funny to undermine someone who’s been throguh a horrible expirience

I’m supposed to write my statement of diversity– but I’m not a minority, I wasn’t poor growing up, I’ve never been raped…

My friend when writing her medical school application essays- she didn’t know that I was raped the year before when studying abroad.

You bought me a drink, and I thanked you for it. You told me your name, and I told you mine. You told me to come home with you, and I said I could not leave my friends. You told me I was full of shit, and I had to leave the bar. You harassed me, and I was the one who felt like they had to leave.

Happened at a bar; the harasser was a man and I am a woman.

Made me feel uncomfortable, awkward, unsafe.

I got home from college, and my mother called me a man-hater when I told her that I became a feminist. This was right after I told her about my sexual assault over spring break.

It made me feel really upset. I felt like I had just worked up the courage over about a month and a half to tell her something really important and it was ignored because I identify with a group that seems to be unpopular for a reason that escapes me. It made me feel kind of worthless, honestly; if my own mother won’t take me seriously, then who will?

Last september I went to a friends birthday. One of the guys I knew there started groping me. I have social anxiety disorder and was so freaked out I sat there for 10 minutes. I ended up doing everything I could to avoid him including walking the long way round a large venue to go to the toilet because I was scared he would follow me. I found out later I wasn’t the only one he did it to that night.

I felt stupid and like it was my fault. I panicked for the next 5 days because I thought he might tell mutual friends I had lead him on and they would hate me for it.

Standing in an elevator, returning to work. Just me and this one white male. He stares at my hips for a while. Then he gently strokes my shoulder and tells me I should buy more “form fitting” clothes. I’m queer and don’t care about his penis. Office elevator downtown Manhattan.  Queer Latina woman versus White hetero male of a higher class.

I’m supposed to write my statement of diversity– but I’m not a minority, I wasn’t poor growing up, I’ve never been raped…

My friend when writing her medical school application essays- she didn’t know that I was raped the year before when studying abroad.

In light of the Steubenville rape trial, and the media’s coverage of the perpetrators (and miscoverage of the survivor), THIS is part of what creates unsafe realities. Survivors, we love you.

The local radio station discusses victim blaming signs being put on public transportation system in Singapore. The three DJs on the show (two men, one woman) all agree that dressing a certain way is just inviting sexual harassment and the victims have no one to blame but themselves.

It’s a shame that some people like to use their childhoods to get themselves out of responsibility.

A friend said this in class, as part of a wider discussion among the others about how some people deliberately try to inspire pity so they can manipulate you. Said while looking straight at me, when she knows that I have abusive parents. Made me feel like I was a horrible person, not to mention betrayed. 

I had a feeling I would need to watch you for promiscuity.

My mother to me, after I disclosed to her that I had been raped a few days prior. I was 11. I eventually told her I made the whole thing up to stop her from saying things like this. She still thinks I made it up. I’m 20 now. 

My freshman year of High School (2008), I’m sitting in my mandatory health class and the topic for the day is rape.  My health teacher, a man in his sixties I believe, tells us that “No means no, although women don’t always mean what they say, so sometimes they say no when they really mean yes.”  This teacher also specifically called me out on questions that I never raised my hand to answer —usually to do with personal anecdotes that I wasn’t interested in sharing - and once implied I looked thin enough to be anorexic (I have Celiac disease).  I was the only girl in a class of males. Made me feel unsafe, exposed, angry.

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